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Part 1: Stop the Insanity

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

Part 2: Prison vs Work

N PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
      AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
      IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
      AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
      IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior
      AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior
      IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
      AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
      IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
      AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
      IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
      AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
      IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
      AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.
      IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
      AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
      IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
      AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
      IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
      AT WORK...they are called managers.

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